The Album
by omschen
Summary: Picard deals with the aftermaths of his assimilation through the Borg. Beverly has some nightmares. Deanna gets some counselling done and Vash raises her eyebrow at Jean Luc. No action scenes in this one either. Worf fighting Romulans in a different story. Not mine. Sorry about that ;)
1. Nightmares

_Authors Note:_

_This is Star Trek and naturally it belongs to Paramount. The characters belong to them and the epsiodes mentioned too. I took the liberty of borrowing the characters and well, they kind of decided to play a bit._

_This one starts right after The Best Of Both Worlds. And it deals with my two favorite characters. It is P/C – so if you want Worf fighting aliens, switch to another channel._

_I am not good with titles. Neither for the story nor for chapters. Sorry about that. Unfortunately my mother tongue is not English so be kind. _

_Anyways. I hope you enjoy. Because that is my intention: to make you have a good time. _

_But now let's get to the story!_

_Feel free to comment. _

_—-/—-The Album—/—-_

**Nightmares**

The dream kept on running in her mind. Or was it a vison? It didn't matter. It kept her on her toes. As soon as she would sit down to rest, it was there before her inner eye. Torturing her, putting rest into a nightmare.

She was in the Borg ship, she could hear him call out her name. His voice sounded desperate and mechanic. She turned around the next corner and looked him straight in the eyes. She called out his name. He stared at her, pain flowing though his body. She could feel his pain. Feel his desperation. Feel his helplessness toward his enemy. Half human, half machine. They had raped his body and soul. He called out her name. She stretched out her hand. He looked at her, longing for rescue, longing for relief. He stretched out his arm, but she couldn't reach him. She tried to move but she couldn't reach him.

It was always the same images running though her. They were so real, because most of it had really happened. The nightmares started, when they had retrieved him from the Borg and she had successfully removed all the implants.

Strange enough not before, not while he was gone, not while he was named a casualty of war. It started, when things were supposed to become better again, when life was supposed to get back to normal. But it didn't. It didn't go back to normal. She couldn't face him. Couldn't look into his hollow eyes. Couldn't face his pain without stirring up her pain and guilt.

Maybe now was the time he needed her the most, but she couldn't just be there. He had sealed his heart and feelings from the rest of the crew and even from her. And she felt too weak to help him. Deanna had asked her to go to him and talk to him, but she couldn't. She hadn't the strength now. She knew he wanted no one, knew he needed someone but she couldn't. She felt ashamed. She wanted to be there for him. She wanted him back. But she didn't know how to tear down the walls he had built around himself.

They stopped having breakfast with each other. They stopped talking to each other. It was as if they didn't know each other. Her heart screamed out for him. Her heart screamed for forgiveness, but she wouldn't bother him with her guilt. She needed to sort out that herself.

She had started to dig into her private little research program. They had won one battle against the Borg, but the Federation would be foolish to say they defeated them. She started to work with the nanites every spare minute. She skipped lunch. Hardly had any real diner. She had lost weight and the dark rings under her eyes were getting deeper by the hour.

She separated herself from her friends. Luckily everybody was busy after the encounter with the Borg so nobody bothered and Deanna was far to concentrated on the Captain. The dream started again. "Beverly" – his voice loud and desperate in her mind. He was crying for relieve. She had fallen asleep on her desk. She turned her head up, shook it and looked around. It was late. Very late. She was tired but didn't want to go to her quarters. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to have company either. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to sit with him, share anecdotes, listen to music. Simply go back to normal. But after what had happened there was no space for that kind of lightness.

She got up and rubbed her neck. Her muscles strained form having fallen asleep on her desk again, she decided a hot shower would be in order. She left for her quarters, praying nobody would meet her on the way, seeing what a mess she was. When she entered her quarters she ordered some soft light and went to the replicator to order a sandwich. She was far from being hungry but knew she needed to eat something. Grabbing the sandwich she went to the bathroom to look into the mirror. Looking at her face she started to cry.

Had she been her patient she would have ordered her rest and five meals a day at least, shore leave on a nice beach and counseling. She decided that she needed to eat the whole sandwich, slipped out of her uniform and let the warm water caress her body for a long time, tears mixing with the warm water. Nothing better than a good cry under the shower. When she stepped out, she felt slightly better. She did her hair and found herself to be slightly more presentable, when she looked into the mirror.

She slipped into her favorite nightdress and robe and started to wander around between livingroom and bedroom. She was tired and completely restless. And afraid to lie down to hear him call out for her again, and to not reach him. She heard him call her name again. She sat down on the sofa hugging her knee close to her body. It wouldn't do. She needed him.

Her hand slipped down on her breast and she slowly started to caress herself and think of him. Imagining he would touch her and love her. She knew this would distract her for the time being and she needed some sexual relieve as well. She would feel guilty afterwards, using him in her mind in such a time, but she would do anything to run from those dreams. She didn't manage and that made her even more desperate.

Finally she gave in to her tired body and slipped under her blanket. As soon as she had closed her eyes she shifted to sleep.

She was on the Borg ship again. She was walking though the corridors. She knew he was there. She could sense his presence. He was calling for her. His voice desperate and lonely. When she first saw him, she thought he was still ok. That he was still human but then he turned around and her heart stopped at the sight of him being half human and half Borg. She felt paralyzed. When she was finally grasping what she saw she said his name and reached out for him. He called out her name again stretching out his arm towards him. She wanted to grab his hand, but she couldn't move. She couldn't reach him. She wanted to save him. Then he was gone but she could still hear him calling her name. "Beverly" like sounded like an echo from far away. "Beverly".


	2. Need

**Need**

She woke up bathed in sweat, trembling with fear and desperation. She got up and grabbed her robe. She went to the living area and looked outside. She needed to see him. She needed to know he was there on his ship. She needed to see he was alright. Or at least, that the bit that was left of him was alright. She knew he had nightmares of his own. Deanna had told her. She looked towards the door. All it would take was a few steps. His quarters were basically next door. Nobody would see her. But she felt pinned to where she was standing. Then she heard him calling out her name again. His voice was desperate and in need for relief. She took a deep breath and started to move towards the door.

She rang at his door but didn't get any answer. She knew, he was in there. She had checked that out before she left. She needed to just see him. To make sure he was on this ship. My god, I am cracking up completely she thought, when she used her medical emergency code to get in. It was dark. He was probably sleeping. She moved in so the door would close behind her. It was then she heard him call out her name again, not in her mind but in reality. But he wasn't addressing her.

She noticed a small line of light emerging from the bedroom, so she silently moved to seek him out. When she reached the door, she stopped in shock. Jean Luc Picard was lying on his bed practically naked. His olive-green rope was wide open and had slipped down his shoulders and his legs were covered with a blanket. His eyes were eyes closed and small sweat pearls glittered on his forehead and around his nose. His hands frenetically rubbing his penis, he whispered her name, tears emerging from his eyes.

She needed to leave, she needed to disappear, before he would notice that she was there. He must never know or else it would shatter their relationship forever. But she couldn't leave. She needed to let her eyes wander over his wonderful body and rest on his amazing manhood. He looked gorgeous. She felt her nipples stiffen and her sex swelling. Absently minded she liked her lip. She felt that old need for him growing in her again. She wanted him and seeing him there in his greatness made her want him more than ever.

She would give anything for him. His eyes still closed he called out her name again "Beverly. Please." All of a sudden she realized, he was thinking of her, imagining her. She could see that he was slowing down, giving up to find release. Just like herself earlier tonight, he couldn't find release nor peace. She was still standing at the door not being able to leave, when he opened his eyes and looked her straight in the eyes. Time stood still before they both grasped for air. He let loose of his manhood and his arm slid to the side onto the dark grey silk sheet of his bed. He sank into the bed as if someone had cut the strings of a puppet.

Beverlys mind was starting to run. She couldn't leave now. She needed to do something. She knew how much he was humiliated by her presence. And it was her, putting him into this situation. She would never be able to forgive herself. He would never be able to forgive her.

She slowly moved her hand up to her breast and started to brush over one of her nipples. Then she stared to ever so slowly move towards him. He looked puzzled but didn't move. When she had reached the bed, she took his strong big hand into hers, kissed his knuckles and placed it on her erected nipple. His response was instantly. He stroke her breast. She knelt on the bed beside him and he placed his other hand on her hip, holding her, caressing her. She bent down to kiss him.

All of a sudden he drew back.

"No", he uttered towards her.

Beverly was confused. Why did he stop? Had he not just called out her name?

He shook his head, turned to her. His hand grabbed her face and she instantly leaned into him. He saw the question in her eyes.

"We cannot do this!"

Beverly grabbed his hand and tried to pull it onto her waist again.

"Why?!"

"You don't love me."

Beverly bit her lip and shook her head. A single tear started to slip from her eye. She placed her hand on his chest above his heart.

"No Jean Luc! That is not true. I love you. In fact I have been falling in love with you deeper and deeper since I first met you."

He grasped. He couldn't believe his ears. Finally he spoke.

"Why now?"

Beverly's hand started to roam over his chest.

"Because you need me. Because I need you!"

She looked at him, searching his face for an answer. She needed him now and he needed her. Couldn't he see her need for him. She wanted to relieve him and she needed to be relieved. Maybe it was for the wrong reasons, but she didn't mind.

She leaned into him and placed a tender kiss on his lips.

"Please", she pleaded and started to kiss him again. His response was instant.


	3. Healing

**Healing**

Their intercourse was hasty and driven by their need of release. Jean Luc's eyes never left hers. When they had found their relieve in each other, Jean Luc collapsed on her and rolled over to the side, totally spent. His breath was ragged, but he felt more human than he had felt in weeks. He looked at the woman next to him. She had turned her head away from him and by the way her chest was moving up and down, he knew she was not alright. He lay his hand gently on her abdomen and whispered her name softly. It was then he realized that she was crying.

Guilt washed over him. Even though she had invited him in, he had used her. He damned himself for not being stronger. He moved into a sitting position and touched her cheek.

"Beverly!"

He did not know what to say. He had hurt the woman he loved more than anyone and jet he had hurt her loving her.

"Please look at me."

His hand was still caressing her cheek. Finally, she moved. She moved her hand above his and he expected her to remove it, but she just turned her head around in his hand and kissed his palm. He felt slightly relieved. He carefully grabbed her hand and started to pull her in a sitting position. When their eyes met again, he was not sure what to make of her. Her eyes were watery and full of emotion.

"I am sorry Beverly. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you", he started to excuse himself stroking her hand lightly.

Beverly shook her head.

"You didn't", she insisted.

She bit her lip trying to find the words to explain what was happening to her.

"I", she started to find the words, but was lost in searching her emotions again. She looked down onto Jean Lucs hand stroking her. The plain gesture of love giving her the strength to continue.

"I don't know what it is with me. I wanted this, too"

She looked up into his eyes for strength and truth.

"I am so overwhelmed."

Jean Luc tried a small smile and was rewarded with her mirroring his gesture.

Jean Luc nodded assuring her, that he understood. He also felt all kinds of emotions and thoughts running through his body. Guilt, shame, happiness, sadness, doubt and hope.

He lifted his free hand to cup her face and stroke his thumb over her cheek. She leant into his touch savoring as much of him as possible.

"I am sorry this was so", he paused looking down on their hands and then up into her eyes again.

"…so unromantic. I always imagined our lovemaking more", he hesitated again.

"..more romantic and intense…" his voice trailed off.

She nodded and shook her head at the same time. Then she lifted her free hand to place it on his neck and pull him close. She placed a small tender kiss on his lips and then leaned her forehead against his. Slowly regaining her strength, she answered.

"No more thinking whether it was wrong or right. No regrets! We both needed relief and we took it from each other. Ok?"

He slightly nodded.

"Ok."

Jean Luc brushed her nose against hers. It felt so good touching her, but he was so scared losing her. He needed her. He needed her to be near. He needed her love, her touch, her voice whispering his name. He needed to know. He swallowed the lump in his throat tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"I love you Beverly."

She nodded in silent agreement.

He swallowed another lump.

"Will you still be with me tomorrow?"

Here, now he asked the question. The question that had bothered him ever since he had rolled of her. He didn't dare looking her into the eyes, too afraid of what the future held for him.

Beverly drew back and lifted his head so he would look her straight in the eyes.

"Do you still want me then?"

Jean Luc reached over to tenderly brush a strain of her out of her face.

"I have always wanted you and yes I want you."

She smiled.

"Then I will be there. I love you."

He leaned over to kiss her again.

When Beverly drew back, she looked down into her lap again. She needed to get this of her heart. Else the dreams would never stop and else that would not work. It was tough. She swallowed hard and looked him into this hazel eyes. Eyes full of love and compassion for her. She couldn't believe she never really noticed how deep their feelings for each other really were. And although they were sitting here together now, having shared his bed, she knew that they only had just scratechd the surface of what there was between them.

"I am sorry I abandoned you on the Borg ship."

Jean Luc shook his head.

"No, Beverly. It is not your fault. You had to leave."

"I should not have left you behind."

She insisted.

"You had to, or else you would have been dead or even worse, they would have turned you into one of them."

"..But.."

He silenced her by putting his index finger on her lips.

"No but. I order you stop feeling guilty about not taking me back on the ship. And in case it is needed anyways: I forgive you."

She nodded. She knew he was right. She knew he would never even have thought about holding this against her, but she had been struggling ever since they had retrieved him from the Borg, that she of all people had not insisted on bringing him back the first time.

She took a deep breath.

"I guess there is a lot we need to talk about."

Jean Luc nodded. He moved to slip in behind her. She leaned into his firm chest and he held her close to him with his strong arms wrapped around her slim figure. She could feel every move. The gentle sobbing and the raged crying. He held nothing back. She had been thinking about turning around to face him, but she knew better than to do so. He needed to talk and hold her just the way they were. He embracing her thightly, hiding his face in her hair.

And then he started to talk. He started to tell her about everything that had happened on the Borg ship. How raped he still felt. How unhuman he still felt and that she had made him feel more human and alive again. How her blue piercing eyes were the only thing, that kept him from being assimilated completely. How her eyes kept Jean Luc inside Locutus, because he loved her more than anything. and more than anything else he had wanted to be back with her. How he heard her whispering, calling his name.

Save in the arms of her lover she listened to his pain and understood the depth of his despair, fear and sorrow but also of his love for her. Now that she was with him, he managed to allow himself to let out all the pain and hurt.

When they stopped talking Beverly turned around in his arms and started to gently touch and kiss all those parts of his body that had been Borg before. He shivered under her touch, feeling her tender, healing hands taking away the last doubt about his state. Their second lovemaking was more elaborate. Loving and tender they poured out their love for each other. When they lay arm in arm afterwards, they savored the feeling of true love.

"Will you come to LaBarre with me?" he whispered into her ear.

Beverly shook her head.

Jean Lucs eyes widened in astonishment.

"I better not", she started to explain herself.

"Why not."

She gently stroke his cheek.

"You still need to heal. I want your soul to heal. I don't want your health to depend on my presence and love."

Her eyes were filling with tears. This was the hardest thing she ever said to him. She wanted to be with him and she knew she hurt him with her words. But she knew this was the right thing to do. She couldn't be his crotch. That would not work and she also knew that by sending him home alone she risked the chance of being with him when he came back.

"I will be waiting for you Jean Luc. I will not run away, but you need to see where you stand first."

Jean Luc let the words sink into him. He understood. She was right. She was so damn bright and reasonable. Still it was not what he wanted. He wanted her. Finally they were one and now she was sending him away again.

"I understand."

Beverly bit her lips and swallowed back her tears once more.

"Will you at least stay the night?" he plead.

She nodded and turned around in his arms, so she would lie spooned into his chest. He drew her close to him and felt her sobbing. He placed small kisses on the back of her head knowing he needed to let her cry. When her tears stopped they fell asleep. No dreams haunting him that night nor her.


	4. Lonely

**Lonely**

When Jean Luc woke in the morning, she was gone. He felt the bed next to him cold. He listened and looked around, but she was gone. Then he found the old fashioned envelope on his nightstand. He swallowed hard. He opened the envelope carefully, pulling out a single piece of paper and a lock of auburn hair. He smiled. He liked her romantic ways and his fingers tenderly caressed the soft strand of hair. Seeing the lock of hair, he knew that the letter would be kind and her leaving was not a definte goodbye. He unfolded the piece of paper and started to read.

"I am sorry, but I needed to go. I couldn't bare saying goodbye to you personally. It would be too much. Enjoy home and heal. I'll be waiting for you. All my love. Beverly."

Jean Luc read the letter a second time. He was sad, but he understood. They both had been so vulnerable these days and emotions flooded to the surface yesterday. They both were not able to control them and they both were slightly scared, what that was doing to them. He missed her, but he understood. For her it was easier to leave than to be left behind. And for him it was easier to go to the transporter room alone, too. But she would be waiting and he would heal. She had showed him yesterday, that he was still human. She initiated his healing and it was up to him to get well now. He would go back to France to find strength and courage again and return the man he was before. And she would wait. Oh, what a promise. He putted the letter and the lock back in the envelope and slipped it into his bag.

He got himself breakfast and tried a book, but he was too unfocused for reading. It would be another hour before they reached the place to go off the ship and he decided to take a tour of the ship. He strolled around and ended up in Ten Forward. The Bar was empty expect for Guinan. It seemed, she had been waiting for him. She placed a glass of juice onto the bar and looked at him waiting. Picard nodded his thank you and took a sip. The cool liquid felt wonderful in his soar body. Then he looked up into her eyes.

"Will I be ok again?"

Guinan rose her non existing eyebrow and turned her head slightly. It looked as if she were searching for truth or wisdome but Picard knew she already had the answer and that she just took her time to tell him. She looked into his eyes again.

"You will be different."

Picard smiled.

"You cannot give a straight answer, can you?"

Guinan laughed out.

"No. But that you already knew, when you asked. Had you not."

Picard nodded taking another sip from his glass.

They both gazed into the direction of the viewport not saying a word for what must have been ten minutes. Two explores and travelers enjoying the view in mutual understanding for the wonders of the universe.

When Picard started to move to say his goodbye she grabbed his arm.

"How is Beverly?"

Picard raised his eyebrow. Did she know? Inwardly he shook his head. This woman!

"She will be ok."

Guinan nodded.

"Good."

Picard nodded. Then he turned towards her.

"Take care of my crew!"

Guinan smiled.

"I will."


	5. Soulmates

**Soulmates**

Beverly was unpacking the storage box, glad Deanna was with her. She had told her about the small hollow recordings, Jack had made for Wesley. She was excited. But when everything was unpacked and looked at, she started to feel uneasy. Her shift of mood didn't go unnoticed to the Counselor.

Deanna leaned back waiting for Beverly to continue. She had kept to herself after the encounter with the Borg and just now Deanna noticed, that she was the only person among the senior staff, she had not talked to about what had happened. She noticed, how she must have suffered seeing her best and closest friend being transformed into a machinelike being. The chances she would talk to her now were small, but she had to try.

"Beverly, are you alright?"

Beverly turned around and bit her lip. She felt uncomfortable, but she had tried to patch herself up alone for too long. First the Borg, then Jean Luc and now.

"Can I talk to you."

Deanna smiled inviting and held out a hand towards her, inviting her to sit down with her.

"As friend or Counselor?"

Beverly lifted her shoulders.

"I don't know."

She brushed her hand over the chair she was hiding behind, not quite yet ready to tear down the wall she had ereceted around her innermost feelings.

"As a friend-Counselor", Beverly continued taking a step out of her shelter.

Deanna nodded.

"Very well."

Beverly turned to walk towards the replicator. She needed some time to adjust herself to the thought of laying open her emotions in front of her friend. She was still debating, what to say and what to keep to herself.

"Some tea?"

"Yes, thank you", Deanna answered.

"Earl Grey, hot", Beverly ordered absently minded.

When the pot of steaming tea appeared, she sighed. Deanna was startled when she heard Beverly's order for the Captains favorite beverage. She knew, they were awfully close, but it seemed even she had underestimated, how deep their relationship really was. It seemed it was natural to Beverly that she should order Earl Grey and nothing else.

Beverly shook her head at her mistake and ordered an herbal mixture,she had programmed into the computer, when she came aboard the enterprise three years ago.

She placed the pot and cups on the small table in front of the sofa and set down on the armchair across from Deanna, slipping out of her boots and drawing one leg up under herself. It felt good to sit, where he usually sat. She even had the impression she could still smell him in the stuffy cushions.

She didn't know where to start. She looked into Deanna's eyes for help. Deanna smiled back, placing her cup back on the table.

"Your tea is very tasty."

Beverly smiled.

"It is one of my grandmother's mixtures."

"What is inside?"

"Oh, all kind of herbs. It is supposed to calm you down."

Beverly fell silent again. She looked down in her lap, and then, her voice barely above a whisper she blurred it out:

"I slept with Jean Luc!"

Deanna's eyes almost dropped out of her face when her eyebrows shot up. She looked into Beverly's direction not believing her ears. Beverly slowly looked up.

"I had had those terrible nightmares. Jean Luc was Locutus crying out my name, but I could just not reach him. That night I woke again, and I heard him calling. It was so real. It was as if he was standing next door. It shuttered my whole self. I got up and I just needed to see him. We were keeping a distance. God knows why. I was scared, he was scared. It was late in the night and I needed to see, needed to know for real that he was here on the ship. I went to his quarters. When he didn't answer I went in. I called for him but he didn't answer. It was all dark and I heard him calling out for me the whole time. There was a small light coming out from the bedroom, so I went to see whether he was there."

She stopped. She closed her eyes taking some deep breaths.

"He was lying in bed naked, trying to relieve himself whispering my name. I wanted to withdraw so I would not embarrass him, but I couldn't. Then he looked me in the eyes and I knew I had to do something or else we would never be the same again. I went to him and we slept with each other."

Beverly swallowed hard and looked into Deanna's face. Deanna had gained her Counselors professionalism again. She had a light smile on her lips and nodded.

"Do you regret it?"

Beverly shook her head.

"No."

"And what happened then?"

"I started to cry. I was so overwhelmed and he felt guilty for taking advantage of me. But he didn't. We both needed each other than and we needed to feel each other in that way. He understood and then we started talking about what had happened, the Borg and then us. And then we made love once more. For real this time and something happened that night. I never felt so whole before. It was unbelievable."

Beverly looked into Deanna's eyes. She reached to the table to fetch her cup. Deanna nodded and also took her cup. She needed some time to grasp what big step those two had just taken and Beverly also needed some time. They had been friends for long, but when it came to the relationship between Beverly and the Captain, she had never been so open and shared as much as she had now.

"So, you cleared everything out that night."

Beverly nodded slowly taking another soothing sip from her cup.

Deanna reached over and padded Beverly's hand.

"Why are you so scared?"

Deanna spoke slowly, giving each word a small emphasis. Her voice was soft and low.

Beverly shook her head and bit her lip.

"I left him that night and sent him away to LaBarre."

Deanna shook her head.

"No, you didn't send him away. He had planned to go there for some time now."

Beverly shook her shoulders.

Then she whispered.

"You don't understand. I left him. He wanted me to come with him."

Deanna raised her eyebrow again. She took Beverly's hand and made her look into her eyes.

"I said I won't because I thought he needed to heal by himself."

Deanna nodded.

"That was a very wise thing you did, Beverly."

Beverly shook her head.

"No," she insisted her voice full of anger.

"Don't you see", she was almost shouting right now.

"I left him again! Just as on the Borg ship I left him again! I left him, when he needed me most. I always seem to leave him."

Deanna pulled on Beverly's hand.

"Stop now!" she said, her voice a bit louder than she intended to. But she knew Beverly was starting to drift into the Howard stubbornness and she needed to be quick.

"Stop taking responsibility for things that YOU cannot change. YOU didn't leave him. YOU didn't leave him on the Borg ship and YOU didn't send him away. Stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. What you did, every good counselor would have done. Had I known of that, I would even had made you and him do that. That night you saw, that you cannot built a relationship, if it starts with him depending on you. It might feel wrong now. But it isn't, believe me. Trust yourself Beverly."

Deanna took a deep breath before continuing.

"Trust him."

She paused.

"Trust yourself."

Beverly shook her head. She pulled her hand out of Deanna's and pulled herself together on the chair. Starting to cry, she whispered.

"But why does it feel so wrong?"

Deanna smiled at her.

"Because you love him."

Beverly nodded.

She still was hugging her legs tightly to her body, but Deanna could see, that she clearly started to relax. Her breathing had become more steady and she had stopped crying.

" I can still hear him calling my name."

Deanna's eyebrows rose again.

"You still have your nightmares?"

Beverly shook her head.

"No, it is different now. It is more like he is calling me in a very gentle way. Soothing me, pulling me into his embrace."

Deanna sat back on the sofa. She started to massage her forehead. Could that be? Was it even possible that it was not Beverly imagination or dreams, but that it was actually Jean Luc that was calling out for her? That those two shared something like an empathic link. That would take in account for a lot that Denna had witnessed over the last weeks.

If it was true, it was the Captain who had called out to her and when she had those nightmares, but she interpreted it in a wrong way. Had he already been calling out to her on the Borg Ship? Did everything got mixed up in Beverly's head.

"Beverly", she slowly began.

"I think the Captain had been calling out for you."

Beverly looked up, raising an eyebrow. Deanna nodded.

"I think you heard his voice for real. How long have you known each other?"

Beverly laid her head to the side.

"I met him when I had started dating Jack."

"And you two got along well."

Beverly nodded.

"We were best friends."

"But you never experienced something like that before? Had you ever", Deanna hesitated.

"I am sorry, had you ever .."

Deanna paused once more weighing her words carefully.

"Have you ever felt more than friendship towards him back then?"

Beverly nodded.

"I was in love with Jack, but I cannot deny that I felt drawn toward Jean Luc from the minute I met him. I don't know what we could have become back then, hadn't it been for Jack."

"Have you ever heard his voice before?"

Beverly started to brush her hair out of her face. Deanna noted the typical sign of nervousness on the doctor.

"I don't know Deanna. I must admit,I dreamt of him a lot, even when I was with Jack. Sometime I wondered what could have become of us, hadn't I been with Jack, but I don't think we would have gotten together. He always wanted to be Captain and he was so different. He is after all 19 years older than me. Back then that was a lot of water, that had run down the river."

She took her cup.

"What are you heading toward Deanna?"

"I don't know."

Deanna sighed.

"But you two seem to share a very deep connection and I think you are something like Imzadi. You know that Betazoid term. Lovers that learn to read each others thoughts."

Beverly shook her head.

"But we are not Betazoid nor were we lovers until that night."

Deanna rolled her eyes.

"You were lovers long before that night, Beverly, and you know that. You share a special connection. You are soulmates, the closest thing to Imzadi and I don't think it impossible that you two have bonded so strongly, that you are able to share some very strong emotions with each other."

Beverly nodded.

"Such as love or pain."

"Yes."

Beverly putted down her cup.

"That would explain a lot."

They both sat back and looked into the void of the room. After some minutes of silence Deanna said.

"Are you feeling better?"

Beverly nodded.

"Yes."

She looked into the dark eyes of her friend.

"Thank you Deanna."

Deanna smiled.

"It was a pleasure. Thank you for sharing all that with me."

They fell silent again.

"So how will you two go on?"

Beverly gazed in direction of the viewport.

"I don't know."

Her smile had disappeared.

"I don't know, whether he stills want me, when he comes back."

Deanna shook her head. It was almost unbelievable how insecure and full of doubts the strong Doctor was, when it came to the Captain and his love for her. To the senior officers it was obvious that those two were meant to be and that there was a strong attraction between him. Beverly was the only person to meet the Captain eye to eye no matter in what situation came and she was the only one he accepted to approach him that way in any situation. He respected her not only as a doctor, but as an officer and a friend. And they saw the love and care for her in his eyes. Well, maybe Data didn't interpret all those subtle signs of love correctly, but the others sure did.

"Beverly, he will come back. He will be most of his old self again and that old self loved you. And he is not a fool to let you slip away!"

Beverly nodded.

"You do want a relationship with him, don't you?"

Beverly fastened her hands together over her knee and nodded.

"It's not gonna be easy, but I'll be a fool to let my fears and doubts rule my life."

Deanna smiled.

"You know you got a friend here."

Beverly smiled.

"I know. Thank you."

"And most of the crew behind you two. I wonder how much Will will collect on his bets."

Beverly raised one of her eyebrows mockingly.

"That bad?"

Deanna nodded.

"Odds have tribbled since you came back on the ship."

Beverly shook her head.

"Will is uncorrectable."

Deanna laughed out loud.

"Yes, but you know how important thinks like that are for the moral on a spaceship."

They kept on chatting long into the night before they bid their goodnights.


	6. La Barre

**La Barre**

They had been fighting the whole day. They had gotten drunk and fought even more. Brothers. Marie shook her head. Boys will be boys, even when they were supposed to be grown up. Even Starship Captains and established vintners. Now they were sitting in the living room. Both in an overstuffed chair, a glass of fine wine in their hands and a smile on their face.

They had enjoyed Marie's famous Coq au Vin and had retreated to the small living room. It used to be the smokers room in the old days. Large shelfs stuffed with books, old leather armchairs and low tables were standing on a thick rug. Robert had started a fire in the open fireplace. They were brothers again. No more fighting. Marie was sure that would come again. Two people as different and yet alike like those needed to fight. They loved one another and she had come to love Jean Luc as a brother. They were telling old jokes now, talking about every fight they had, about old friends, teachers, classmates. She opened the door to glimpse inside.

"I will be going to bed."

Robert got up and kissed her goodnight.

"We will finish the bottle," he claimed.

Marie winked at Jean Luc.

"No more fighting boys!"

Jean Luc smiled.

"Boy scouts honor! Good night Marie and thank you for the wonderful diner."

As soon as Marie had closed the door Robert came over to Jean Luc and slapped him on the shoulder.

"YOU Never were a boy scout."

Jean Luc grinned.

"That ... she doesn't know",

Both men started laughing hard and when they had managed to calm down again Robert poured another glass of wine to Jean Luc. They sat staring into the fire for some time. No need to speak, they were enjoying home and family too much to be disturbed by the silence between them.

Jean Luc felt as if the world was going to make sense again. He took deep breaths inhaling the scent of the old house, of the fire, of simply anything around here. Everything was so alive and he was feeling better and better. His mind was wandering to Beverly and produced a smile on his face.

Robert had watched his brother.

"Thinking about a woman?"

Jean Luc let out a silent laugh.

"I know you think my way of life is rather archaic, but I still give you one good advice my brother."

Jean Luc raised his eyebrows.

"Get yourself a wife and some children."

Jean Luc took a sip of wine. Then he looked around in the room. Finally he said:

"Maybe that is not such a bad advice."

Robert let out a rumbling laugh.

"I cannot believe my small brother is finally growing up."

He got up and fetched another bottle of wine, opened it and filled their glasses.

"To the Picard family. And to my brother."

They toasted.

"And to my brother!"

They toasted again. No more words were spoken this evening. They sat there, watching the fire, both enjoying each others company. The feeling of home and the knowledge that they were not alone.

When Picard left some days later, he felt as well as he had not felt for some time. He had healed. He had come to terms with himself and what had happened with the Borg. His life would be different, but they had not managed to take away who he was. Like every other encounter with friendly or hostile species, the Borg had transformed him a little, but he was still Jean Luc. The marks might have been deeper, but he had survived. His body and soul still intact. Thanks to his family and friends. He was still a Federation Starship Captain and he was still a man in love. Robert had handed him a box when leaving. It contained a bottle of vintage champagne. A rare bottle. Drink it with the woman you are going to marry, he had whispered laughingly, when they had embraced at the shuttlebus.


	7. Home Again

**Home Again**

When he materialized on the Enterprise Deanna Troi and William Riker had come to meet him. He was disappointed Beverly was nowhere to be seen. Although he had putted on his Captains mask, it didn't go unnoticed to the Counselor who knew him too well. The men greeted each other and Commander Riker instantly started to talk ships business. Picard seemed slightly absent minded. Troi noticed and pulled Riker to the side.

"Let the Captain step of the platform first", she said laughingly.

Picard gave her an appreciating smile.

Riker rolled his eyes to the Captain.

"Women!"

The Captain simply nodded.

"We will talk tomorrow at 1000h in my ready room, Number one",

Picard stated and started to head for the door, Troi on his heels. Riker was left in the transporter room dumbfounded. When the two stood in front of the turbolift Troi said.

"She is quite nervous and scared, otherwise she probably would have come to greet you. I guess you'll find her in her quarters."

With that she turned around and left him waiting alone. Now it was his turn to be speechless. He shook his head, entering the lift.

"Deck 8, Officers Quarters", he ordered the lift.

He turned right in direction of Beverly's quarters. He chimed and was granted access within some moments. He entered placing his duffle bag down next to the door and smiled. He felt like one of those sailors coming home to his loved ones after a long trip on the ocean.

Beverly was sitting on a chair in front of her eating table. She hugged one of her knees and had a cup of tea standing on the table. He smelled the distinct note of earl grey and needed to smile even more.

She looked to him expectantly and scared. From the way she clung to her leg, he knew she was nervous. Would she send him away or was she scared he would not stay. All of a sudden he was not so sure anymore, this would work out the way he had imagined it during these days in France and on the trip back. He was so sure she would meet him in the transporter room. But she had not been there. He took a deep breath. He was lost for words.

Beverly had about the same feelings as he had. Only she had been scared that he would not come back to her as a lover ever since he left for France. And now he was there. From the bag on the floor she knew he had come to her straight from the transporter platform. A good sign. She wondered how he had escaped Will Riker, but that didn't matter. What mattered now was to know. What mattered now was to speak up. Her mouth felt try and her tongue heavy.

She slowly unfolded her legs and stood up. My god, he looks great! He had gotten some teint and looked fresh. She took some steps to shorten the distance between them, hoping she would find some words on the way.

"You are back", she said with a low voice, a smile staring to produce itself on her lips.

He nodded. She looked so good and her voice was so soft and inviting. He started to move towards her until they stood face to face. Still not touching, but only an inch away he whispered.

"Yes I am back."

His breath tickled her nose. He inhaled her scent and slowly turned his head to place a soft kiss on her lips. She reacted instantly drawing her body closer to him, so her full length was touching his body. He entangled his hand in her hair to deepen the kiss.

When they went up for air he whispered.

"So, you have actually been waiting for me."

A tear slipped from Beverly's eye and he brushed it away with his thumb.

"How could I have not waited for the love of my life. And you have come back to me", she stated.

"I never intented to only come back to the ship", he said.

She nodded.

"Good. I love you."

He smiled.

"That is good, Beverly Crusher, because I love you so much, I cannot even start telling you."

They kissed again. This time deeper, hungry for the other one's touch and love. They made up for the time apart that night, being one body and soul in love.

Life changed considerably during the next months. They decided to keep their relationship private. Inevitable the senior staff noticed that their relationship had changed, so they had informed them about their "change of status". Beverly spent most of her nights at Jean Luc's, more and more personal things enriched the captain's spartan quarters. Both of them enjoyed their new found intimacy. Enjoying to finally not wake up alone, to have someone share their thoughts, whenever they came to their minds and not having to wait until breakfast.

Jean Luc turned out to be a lot more romantic, than Beverly had ever thought him to be. To most of the people not knowing him better he seemed cold, rational and stiff, but he managed to surprise her regularly with special treats. He loved to spoil the woman he loved and he was a very generous man and lover.

Life had been easy, but Beverly had a feeling it wouldn't stay that way. Having lost her first husband, she didn't take happiness for granted and she knew, that sooner or later their past or a mission was about to strain their relationship. The test came on board in form of a young woman with shoulder long brown hair.


	8. Shaken

**Shaken**

Beverly had had a tough day and decided that a long bath and a night with the bed all to herself was in order. So she went to her quarters that evening leaving Jean Luc a note. It was nothing unusual. Both of them had been living all by themselves for years and needed the extra space from time to time.

The next morning, she woke up with a strange feeling. Something bad would happen. She had been feeling quite some uneasiness and didn't know why. She had the feeling, that it was coming from Jean Luc. After her talk with Deanna she had been listening to her dreams and impressions when it came to Jean Luc more carefully, but never had been sure, whether she simply knew this man so well or whether she would really pick up some of his emotions and thoughts occasionally.

Still she was a doctor and a scientist after all and not an empath. She pushed away her uneasiness, got ready and headed for the Captains quarters to meet him for breakfast. Upon entering she awkwardness grew. She went in and instantly felt her feet nailed to the ground.

Sitting on her side of the table was a young and very attractive woman, obviously completely at ease with herself and the situation she was in. Jean Luc however was nowhere to be seen. When Beverly gained her courage again, she went in and introduced herself. She didn't know what to make of the situation until Jean Luc came in from the bedroom and made it even worse. She could see his nervousness and was about to turn around on her heels and leave.

Jean Luc grabbed her arm but didn't kiss her. Nor did he leave any other indication that he was romantically involved with her. She stepped back.

Beverly felt an immense portion of hurt rising within her. Who was that woman? And more important: who was that woman to him. She had never mistrusted him so far, but all of a sudden, she was not so sure anymore. They had kept their relationship private and right now she wondered why. All her self consciousness dropped to being a drop of water when it came to him. Did he not love her? She bit her lip and switched into her Doctor mode, completely ignoring him and turning towards the woman, he had introduced as Vash, talking to her.

Jean Luc was terrified. Nothing had happened during the night, in fact when Beverly had entered, he had just moved the cushion and blanket he had used when sleeping on the sofa that night into the bedroom. But that of course she didn't know. Why had he not kissed her? He wasn't ashamed of his relationship. He was just not used to kiss her in public.

Vash looked bemused form Jean Luc to Beverly and back. She managed to catch his eyes and raised her eyebrow mockingly. When she had arrived late in the Captain's quarters yesterday. She had been focused on seducing him, trying to fresh up their little affair, but needed to notice, that he showed no more interest in her.

He hadn't told her about Beverly, but as soon, as Beverly had entered the room, she knew. She was astonished that Jean Luc had not told Beverly about their affair. But she intended to find more about him and when when Beverly had suggested to show her the ship, she had willingly said yes. It would be interesting. And adventurous. And she loved that! Maybe even more interesting than sharing some intimate hours with Jean Luc.

"So, tell me Beverly", Vash started the conversation when the two were strolling along a corridor.

"Had Jean Luc not told anything about our adventure on Riesa?"

Beverly shook her head.

"Sorry, he hadn't mentioned you."

Vash looked slightly hurt, but more in a mocking way. Beverly noticed slowed down and touch her arm to secure her.

"He is a very private man", Beverly added trying to put Vash a little bit more at ease. But that was not the only reason she used that words. She had also tried to reassure herself with this words. Unfortunately it didn't work out. But she was no simpleton. She had her questions about the young lady and her relationship with Picard and was determined to get some answers.

"Yes, I guess he is."

"So how did you meet", Beverly asked, keeping the conversation going.

"Ah well. I was on Risa on a kind of antique treasure hunt and that is where we met!"

Beverly was amazed and didn't try to hide her astonishment. She let out a slight laugh. It didn't sound too real and Beverly warned herself to stay calm.

"A treasure hunt?" she exclaimed.

"Yes", Vash assured her smiling brightly.

"What is so astonishing about that?"

Beverly smiled at the young woman. Although she had been a bit jealous - and still was - she really liked the young woman. She reminded her of her younger self. Before things turned bad. But well. That was a different story.

"I didn't really figured him going on a treasure hunt."

Vash smiled and touched Beverly's arm in a conspiratorial manner.

"Neither did I at the first place, but I had some involuntary help from some strange time travelers and it helped that the Ferengi wasn't on my side."

Beverly nodded.

The two women kept on chatting. Beverly learned from Vash, that she had come to see, whether she could renew their sexual relationship, but was disappointed, that he had chosen to sleep on the sofa. Vash suspected another woman and when Beverly had entered the scene the next morning she instantly knew, that Beverly was that woman.

He had wanted to let her stay in some guest quarters, but she had insisted very much, staying in his quarters due to her late arrival.

Beverly involuntarily let out a sigh of relieve. Vash turned to her smiling.

"There is no need to be scared."

Beverly swallowed hard.

"But he didn't tell..."

"That he was involved with anyone? That he was involved with you?"

Beverly nodded.

Vash shook her head.

"No."

Beverly shook her head. It was one thing to find your lovers last lover in his bed, even if he was sleeping on the sofa, but it was another thing being ignored. Vash kneaded her chin. She really liked the red haired Doctor. They were not so different from each other, fiercely and full of life and had had shared a nice morning together. They entered Ten Forward and as soon as Will Riker, had "taken over" Beverly said her goodbye. She needed to get away and to think out this whole situation. Upon leaving Vash grabbed her arm and whispered.

"Don't be too hard on him."

Beverly sighed.

Beverly stayed out of Jean Luc's way the next days. With Q on board on the Enterprise it was not difficult to stay in Sickbay longer and turn in to her quarters in the night or have only a quick breakfast.

Deanna could tell that both of them were suffering from the strain in their relationship. She had tried to talk to Beverly, knowing she wouldn't get through to the captain and because it was mainly Beverly trying to keep a distance.

During the staff meetings she as usually claimed her seat next to the captain, but their small exchanges had been non existing. And when Beverly had not interfered, where she would have normally spoken up Deanna knew, something was very wrong between the two.


	9. Hurt

**Hurt**

"Beverly, what is wrong."

Beverly frowned. She had cancelled her last morning exercises with Deanna, but today the Betazoid had been literary standing on her doorstep to fetch her. Had she had a real door like back home on Caldos, she would have only opened it a little to glimpse through and wave Deanna off. Beverly damned those automatic sliding doors. No chance for privacy! So Deanna had stepped in and was now standing in front of her, hands placed on her hips. She tapped one foot, waiting for her answer.

Beverly's anger flooded away and turned into a laughter. Deanna's behavior was slightly out of character. Ic things were not that bad it would be her, standing to face her like that. Not the patient counselor.

Deanna raises her eyebrow.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Look at you", Beverly answered.

"You look like me, trying to get an answer from I don't know who."

Deanna shook her head smiling. She looked Beverly in the eyes and noticed her relief. Within a second she noticed that the Doctor had managed to distract her again. Darn! She was really getting an expert on that. She composed herself giving Beverly "the look" and asked:

"Why do you keep cancelling our dates?"

Beverly raised her shoulders. She looked slightly defeated.

"I am tired."

"Problems sleeping", Deanne inquired raising her eyebrows in friendly compassion.

Beverly turned around ignoring the question. She went straight to the replicator to order a cup of coffee. Rolling the mug in between her hands she turned around to face the Deanna.

"You also want one?"

Deanna shook her head stepping forward to close the distance between them to arm length.

"What is going on? Why do you have problems sleeping?"

Beverly raised her eyebrow.

"I never said I had problems sleeping."

Deanna felt anger growing now. She really loved Beverly for the strong and committed woman she was, but in times like these, she wanted nothing mor then to grab her shoulders and shake reason into her. Can anyone be so stubborn?

Deanna crossed the room and sat down on the sofa. Lower arms on her legs, she stared to massage her temples.

"Beverly", she started the conversation anew. Her voice was soft, almost s whisper.

"What is going on? What happened?"

Beverly slowly walked towards the sofa. Her shoulders were hanging down. It was now, Deanna noticed dark rings under her eyes and how tired she really looked, her body almost collapsing in itself.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Beverly finally said when letting herself slip on a chair opposite of her friend.

Deanna rolled her eyes.

"You will have to."

"No."

Deanna frowned.

"You are dead stubborn."

"So I am."

"But you are also very unhappy", she said her voice soft.he decided to push the conversation a bit.

"You knew, that he had a past."

Beverly nodded and took a slow sip from her cup.

"So have I. It is not the past I know. It is the past I don't know. And not even that. It is the future, that I am scared of."

She took a deep sigh and placed the cup on the low table in front of her.

"You want to know why I am so mad?"

Beverly knew the answer. That had merely been a rhetorical question. She looked down into her lap, where her hands were clung together so hard her knuckles shone white though her thin skin.

"You know, he didn't tell Vash, that he was in a relationship, when she had knocked on his door. And when I was standing in front of her, he ignored me."

Deanna's eyes sprang open. That in fact, she had not expected. Still she decided to not say a word. It seemed Beverly was finally in a talking mood and she didn't want to stop her, by leaving a comment.

"I could tell, he was very uneasy, when I entered that morning and thought it was because of her, but later I found out, that it was also because of me."

Beverly shook her head and grabbed her cup.

"Any more questions", Beverly said bitterly.

"I am sorry", Deanna managed to utter.

Beverly nodded.

"So am I."

"So you decided to also show him the cold shoulder?"

Beverly shook her head.

"I couldn't face him any longer. It hurt so badly. I thought he loved me and I was something special for him."

She brushed the tear away that had slipped from her left eye.

"I am to old for that. I had not even managed crying yet. Maybe I should leave. "

"Leave the Enterprise!" Deanna almost screamed out.

"I don't want to, but..."

Beverly's voice trailed of.

Deanna took a deep breath.

"But you do love him still!"

Beverly nodded.

"So much it hurts."

"And he loves you."

Deanna said softly

Beverly raised her shoulders and shook her head.

"I really don't know anymore."

She let her head fall into her hands and took a deep breath. When she finally looked up again she continued.

"I had loved him for a while. Actually for longer than I am willing to admit to anyone but myself. And he said he had been in love with me since he first met me, but maybe the love is not strong enough? Maybe waiting so long we were whisking for more than that is exiting? If he loves me as much as he says, why did he not stand by my side?"

Beverly paused and looked Deanna straight in the eyes.

"Maybe we simply are not meant to be?"

"What?", Deanna shouted out not being able to contain herself for a small moment.

"It is obvious to half of Star Fleet that his eyes are always on you and that you have his heart. And from what I learned from you and studying you two I can say you belong to one another."

"That might be, but I cannot be with him, if he denies our relationship to the first ex lover."

Deanna nodded. Beverly was right. The Captain had made a really big mistake. Beverly deserved more than a casual relationship and casual sex and she was sure the Captain wanted more too. But knowing Beverly, he would need to crawl in front of her and excuse himself to gain her back. Deanna couldn't believe how utterly stupid he had behaved towards Beverly.

"But you still love him?"

Beverly looked away staring into the farther end of the room. She nodded.

"You want him back?"

It was more of a statement than a question.

Beverly nodded again

"And you would take him back?

Beverly sighed.

"I would want to, but... Will I be able to trust him?"

Deanna nodded.

"He did actually not betray you."

Beverly nodded.

"Not with his body."

Deanna took Beverly's hand.

"He made a mistake. But what you two share deserves a second chance."

Beverly sighed again. She knew Deanna was right. She knew Deanna was also very romantic. But it wasn't so easy. He had tried to reach her, but she had ignored his messages. He had hurt her pride and she was dead stubborn. But still Deanna was right. She missed him! And she wanted him back. Deanna could see her friend in deep thought and decided to leave her alone. She was just hoping those two would manage. Otherwise their lives would be hell.

Beverly slowly got up and moved to her desk to send a message."Join me for diner 1900, my place". She hesitated. Should she write something more? The message seemed cold and uninviting. She didn't want it to sound that way, but she couldn't send her love either. Or could she? Her feelings were battling within her. Someone needed to make the first step since she had ignored his approaches constantly. She pressed the send button and hurried in the bathroom to get a shower. When she passed her desk 20 minutes later she read his answer.

"I'll be there. Thank you."


	10. Forgiving

**Forgiving**

She felt better. Talking to Deanna had helped to sort out her feelings. She grabbed her lab coat and went to join the morning session of the senior officers. This time she smiled entering the observation lounge. She sat down casually on her chair next to the captain and shot him a bright smile saying "Good morning Jean Luc." Jean Luc smiled back at her, feeling better that he had in weeks. He didn't know what had caused her to change, but he would need to wait one more day to find out.

Entering her quarters nine hours later he was surprised to find the scenario pretty romantic. He didn't know what to expect. When he had gotten her message yesterday he had felt his heart sink down to his feet again. She wanted to talk, but what would she say. She could present her resignation or an offer of peace. He didn't want to leave her. For two reasons. He knew she loved her job in the Enterprise, she loved those people here and she simply belonged here. Second he personally didn't want to lose her. The morning meeting had been promising. She was in a good mood and everybody noticed and was relieved. Data had even made one of his innocent remarks that went right to the heart with his special innocent truth. But with Beverly one never knew. He had been nervouse, but everything looked very inviting. He placed the bag he was holding in his hand on the shelf next to the door.

Beverly had dimed the lights and a dozen candles were distributed in the room. There was no music, but he didn't mind. They had to do some talking and the setting looked more like an offer of peace than her final goodbye. He felt his heart dancing instead of falling on his feet.

She was standing at the far end of the room lighting the last candles. He was taken aback by the grace she displayed by the simple act of bending down to light the candle. He gasped when she turned around walking slowly towards him. She was beautiful. She had chosen a simple black knee long skirt and an light beige slim cut turtle neck. Her hair seemed to be burning and her eyes were shining brightly. He stood there, just in front of the door not being able to move.

He was totally in her hands. Had she told him to go down to his knees and bark like a dog, he would have done it. He wanted her back no matter at what cost. Now that he had had her his need for her was even stronger than his initial want for her 15 years ago. She approached him and to his utter astonishment, she placed her hand on the side of his face and placed a kiss on his cheek lingering slightly longer than necessary. He carefully inhaled her scent, the beautiful poison of her filling his system. He was lost and he knew it.

He swallowed hard. This is not what he had expected. Not from Beverly. In a way the kiss made things even worse. Could it be that easy? He was prepared to beg and plead, he was prepared to fall on his knees and fetch the moon from the sky! He felt, he needed to suffer. He wanted to do something. He wanted to pay for his guilt. None had said a word so far. Beverly was standing only a step apart from him. She looked towards him. Jean Luc raised his eyes to look her in the eyes. And what he saw was love.

He took a deep breath. He wanted to talk, but he didn't know what to say, so the only word leaving his lips was her name.

"Beverly."

She smiled. She lifted her hand again to slowly, tenderly caress his cheek. She simply had to touch him. She felt drawn to him like a moth was drawn to the sun. She took a deep breath to, letting her hand slip down. It was hanging heavily down her arm like a her strength had been drained away from her by her last touch.

"Thank you for coming."

She managed to say.

He nodded. When was the last time he felt so tongue tied?

She started to slowly move towards the sofa. When he was not coming along, she turned around, stretched out her arm towards him and said.

"Come!"

She sat down and padded her hand on the sofa next to her, indicating him to sit down. She nodded towards the table.

"I think we should talk first."

Jean Luc sat down and nodded. Glad she had ordered him to sit down next to her. Once again he was astonished how she did it. How he was completely in her hands. Did she even know how much power she had over him.

She raised her eyebrows waiting for him to start. Jean Luc took one of her hands into his and slipped it on his knees in front of her. Words started to form in his mind and managed to find its way out of his lips.

"I've been a fool and behaved like an idiot."

He took a deep breath before continuing. He had not allowed himself to look into her eyes. His gaze was fixed on her hand in his. Such an elegant, tender had. The thought simply shot into his mind.

He gazed up but couldn't hold her gaze. It seemed too painful still son continuing, he stared at their hands again.

"I don't know what had gotten into me. I have no explanation. And there is non. I behaved like a compete idiot and I don't even know why. The only thing left is: Forgive me. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. You are my heart. And I want to be with you. I want you back Beverly. Please Beverly. Forgive me."

He looked up into her piercing blue eyes. She took her free hand and caressed his cheek slipping down to him onto the floor. She shook her head.

"Don't kneel in front of me."

It broke her heart to see him so small and broken. She came very close and continued whispering.

"You have hurt me very much Jean Luc. I was battling whether I would ever manage to trust you again."

She bit her lip.

"I still don't know. But life without you felt like hell. I seem to cannot let loose of you."

She smiled. She tenderly placed a kiss on his cheek. She looked into his eyes.

"I want you back, too."

Picard didn't trust his ears.

"So you will forgive me?"

Beverly nodded.

"I have already forgiven you."

She took a deep breath before she continued.

"But you will never deny me again! Else I will have to leave and never come back. I just couldn't take that again. My life and wellbeing is in your hands. Don't you know that?"

She felt tears welling up again and looked into her lap.

He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of that lump in his throat.

She drew closer and leaned her forehead to his.

"And I don't want to leave. I love you Jean Luc."

She felt a tear slipping from her eye.

Jean Luc rubbed her nose against hers, whispering.

"I love you and I cannot describe how lucky I am to be loved and forgiven by such a woman as you."

He leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her lips. Beverly reacted instantly deepening the kiss slipping her hand around his neck.

Jean Luc ended the kiss and got up, pulling her up with him. He looked into her eyes smiling. He touched her face, tracing her lines. Beverly shuddered. His touch was exquisite. She loved his touch. He had big, strong hands and she had never imagined, that his touch would be so tender and sensitive. He motioned her to sit.

"Wait here."

Beverly looked at him questioningly. He went to the shelf to fetch the bag, he had left there when entering. Coming back to her, he got down next to her on the sofa again. He pulled out two champagne flutes and a bottle of champagne. He started to open the bottle.

"My brother, Robert, handed me the bottle when I left."

Jean Luc smiled.

"We had been fighting a lot, but in the end all fights were fought and we were simply brothers."

His gaze was directed into the eternity of space for a moment.

"When we sat together that night, he gave me an advice. He told me to get myself a wife and some children. And when he gave me this bottle he had ordered me, to drink it with the woman I am going to marry. The moment he gave me that bottle, I knew I was going to drink it with you, I was just afraid to scare you away, but I cannot hold back any longer."

He looked into her eyes hopefully. Searching for an answer.

"I know I failed you and you have a hard time trusting me. My timing is really bad. But Beverly, you are the only woman I could ever marry. You can take all the time you need to take, but please don't push me away. Marry me. Today, tomorrow, in a week, a month or a year. I don't mind, but promise me to consider me as your husband."

Beverly was shocked. She didn't know what to say. It took her several moments to grasp, what he had just said. What he wanted from her. Full commitment. Was she ready? Was that what she wanted? Yes! She didn't need to think about it. She didn't need to consider. She already knew.

"I will marry you Jean Luc Picard. Not today, not tomorrow and probably also not next week, but I will marry you. There is nothing I want more than to be with you."

Now Jean Luc was left lost for words.

She kissed his mouth, then his cheek and whispered into his ear.

"And if you want a child I will give you one."

He took her face in between his hands, looked her in the eyes lovingly and kissed her passionately. He pulled back, smiled and shook his head.

"YOU never cease to amaze me, my beautiful, wonderful Beverly."

They spent the evening making up for the lost time. Beverly still felt slightly hurt and reluctant to let go completely in the beginning, but just as she had kissed away his wounds, that were left by the Borg, he kissed away the wounds he had left on her soul. Within less than a week even the tiniest ensign on board the Enterprise knew that the Captain and the Doctor were lovers.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The man was bold. His eyes hazel. He held her hand lovingly. Touching her cheeks, while she was sleeping. The woman's hair used to be red but was grey now. She looked older than she was. Lying on the bed sleeping in the middle of the day. Seeing her one would not have imagined her 19 years younger than him. She was unnaturally thin, her body showing signs of near death.

When she opened her eyes the man looked into piercing blue eyes. Eyes deep than water. When pain was kicking in the blue faded. The sun placed strands of light on her body. He didn't leave her side. He loved her more than anything and he didn't want her to wake up when he wasn't there. She had once and had gotten distressed, that he was gone.

When she opened her eyes and saw him, she smiled. He leaned over to place a tender kiss on her lips, whispering how much he loved her.

The sun started to set. She held her hand out to him. He helped her into a sitting position. She asked him to help her change. She wanted to look elegant when dying. She knew that tonight she would breath in for the last time. Being a Doctor she knew the end would come now.

She would be leaving a long and fulfilled life behind her. When she had married him, people had told her, that he is too old. That he would die years before her. That he would leave her being alone. But fate had decided differently. Since she married him, he had always been on her side. He helped her putting on her wedding dress. A simple cut, light blue silk. Simple, but elegant. She was the most beautiful woman he ever saw and in his eyes she still was.

She sat on the bed. He was sitting behind her, helping her to keep upright. She was exhausted from getting into the dress. They looked at the album Gates and Patrick had given them for their 25th anniversary. Glimpses of a fulfilled and happy life. She turned around to look him in the eyes. She kissed him. You need to let me go, she whispered.

He nodded, tears flowing over his cheeks. He got out from behind her and helped her to lie down. He kissed her one more time. He lay down next to her, their hands entwined. She turned her head to look at him. Then she closed her eyes and never opened them again. The next morning their children came in and found their mother and their father lying next to each other. Both clothed in their wedding cloths. When she had left that night, he had still held her hand. Then he had closed his eyes and died of old age. It was a beautiful picture. The one to fill the last page of the album that lay on the nightstand. A story about a great love come true.


End file.
